Frustration

The other day in class my students were taking a quiz.  As with all quizzes, I inform them to keep them at their desks when they are finished (this has happened every single quiz the entire year….it’s May).  As I handed the quiz out I stated in a loud voice to keep the quizzes at their desks when they are done.  After everyone had their quiz and was just starting I reminded them one more time of the requirements expected of them.  I’m sure you can guess what happened as soon as the 1st kid finished.  He most assuredly got up out of his seat and went to turn it in.  (Level 4)

As I am teaching a particularly fascinating lesson on Igneous Rocks (the bane of my existence) a particular student gets up out of his seat right as I am talking.  I question the intelligence of this student at the reason behind his interrupting me.  His answer: “I didn’t realize we were learning anything”. (Level 6)

As the students are finishing up taking a test, 2 students who have already finished their test are having a conversation.  I instruct both of them to stop talking.  What happens?  They immediately continue their conversation.  When I move over for a more personal discussion the reason is given that they just needed to finish their line of communication and they were almost done. (Level 7)

Some old person cuts me off in the left hand lane as they decide to turn right and drift all the way over in front of me.  (Level 8)

My son is playing outside.  He is informed that it is time to go inside to eat dinner.  A negative reaction then begins.  He is then told that he has 3 seconds to go up the stairs.  He pretends like he doesn’t hear, followed by him being picked up and carried up stairs.  The following temper tantrum is loud enough that I’m pretty sure my parents in Philly heard him throwing himself around.  He screams for 30 minutes straight refusing any contact or talking (Level 9)

I keep dying at a the rotating blocks in the new Super Mario game in World 1-6.  (Level 10)

As you can see, this post is about frustration, stress, things of that nature.  It seems to be like I have been more frustrated these last few months than at any other time in my life.  Any little incident causes me to change from normal human to the hulk (but without the awesome strength and weird green color).

For those who don’t really know me, I have what has been described as an “anger problem” (scientific term).  I know, I am usually laid back and let nothing get to me or worry me.  That is really only on the outside….on the inside I want to literally punch your face so hard that you look like a Picasso painting.  If you don’t believe me, ask Beth.  While I have improved in that area over the last 5 years, for some reason these last few months have seen a massive increase in my frustration level.  I am frustrated at the kids stupidness (it would take way too long to explain how annoying some of these kids are…not really with behavior but more with apathy and their parents lack of caring as well, along with general disrespect), I am frustrated at how teacher’s ALWAYS complain about their students, I am frustrated that this year won’t end soon enough, I am frustrated that I have no outlet to vent my frustration as my only “guy” friends live about 17 hours away.  I am frustrated (not so much recently, he’s been really good lately) at Jack and how he exhibits so much of my personality it drives me insane.  I know all my Jr. High and High School teachers as well as my parents are laughing hysterically at the cosmic revenge that is now occurring as payback for my lovely childhood, but that doesn't make me feel any better.

What I want to know is, why?  Why have I been so frustrated lately, and more importantly how do I overcome it?  (There is a very easy answer to this, and it is an answer that I know perfectly and would tell anyone else within a heartbeat, yet can’t seem to actually put it into practice myself).  I hope that if you are feeling frustrated a bit, this will help you out as well.  Not in the mind-blowing aspect of it, since we all know how to solve frustration, but more in the reminder aspect.

First off, what is frustration? The veritable Wikipedia claims that “frustration is a common emotional response to opposition.  Related to anger and disappointment, it arises from the perceived resistance to the fulfillment of individual will.”  So, in dumb people terms it’s your emotions you feel when something pisses you off.  Shocking.  To me there are 10 levels of frustration:

Level 1: a mild eye rolling (an annoying joke, or anything involving Donald Trump)

Level 2: a sigh (at the end of the day when someone just rubs you the wrong way, or anything involving Brett Favre)

Level 3: a sarcastic reply (when someone acts ignorantly, or anything involving Jessica Simpson)

Level 4: a bitter sarcastic reply (when someone does something that just gets under my skin for some reason, or anything involving Twilight)

Level 5: a stare of death (anytime a Jr. High boy acts like a Jr. High boy, or anything involving Jon and Kate)

Level 6: a thought of violence (when someone ignores a direct “command”, or anything involving Rosie ‘O Donnel)

Level 7: pressure boiling inside of you begging to come out – the smoke monster (when someone repeatedly puts you on level 4-6, or anything involving Owen Wilson or Ben Stiller)

Level 8: grunt, throwing of arms, very loud sarcastic slam (when someone acts like I did growing up, anything involving traffic annoyances, or anything involving Julia Robert’s lips)

Level 9: a punch, throwing of chair/table, beating of child, internal swearing (when my child screams in a certain manner it is the most grating sound in the history of the world, or anything involving Paris Hilton/Miley Cyrus/Justin Beiber/Kim Kardashian/Jonas Brothers/any other “tween” sensation

Level 10: massive external swearing, uncontrollable movements, heart-attack-level blood pressure (repeated video game deaths at exact same spot….a spot only anger-filled video game players know.)

That is the true definition of frustration, and if you could agree to any of those, you  know what frustration is.  But the question is why are there times when we feel unbelievable frustration, or weeks where it seems the smallest thing can jump a normal level 2 to a level 8?  The answer is simple: you are a moron.

It is one of the simplest commands in the Bible, yet is essentially one of the most ignored commands in the Bible: “Pray”.  Prayer. (ever pay attention to how many times Jesus went and prayed?  Jesus?  God Himself?  If He had to pray, what do I have to do?) When we are in communication with God, when we are talking with the Creator, the Healer, the Helper, the One Who Refreshes, we feel better. Not necessarily in a “everything is perfect with me voodoo way”, but we see the good in the day or person and not always the negative side of it. We see people through God’s eyes.  I’m not going to dwell too much on this “spiritual lesson” as you can do this on your own, but when we pray to God, not only do we get to talk to God, but we also get to be used by God.  If we are in communication with God, He will not let us give in to these extremely frustrating actions…nor will we want to.

This is not something I can exactly explain, only give example to.  It seems counter-intuitive to us…but that is really the way God seems to work.  We we start getting really frustrated we say we need a vacation, time alone, a good book, a good movie, guy time, a change, anything to get us out of whatever our frustrations are.  But how often do we really just pray about it?  Again, I can’t explain how it works, I just know that the exact same things can happen to me one day and I will be the most pissed off person in the world looking for a reason to physically harm someone.  The next day when those same things happen again, I can laugh them off or ignore them or even talk with whoever is causing the frustration about the reasoning behind it.  Why?  Because one day I am acting in my flesh and blocking the Holy Spirit’s use in my life.  The next day, thanks to open communication with God, I am allowing Him to use me through the day and I can more easily see the proper way to handle things and that boiling anger takes a little longer to surface (it still may, but I’m trying….baby step).

In one of the most misused verses in Scripture (of which I will participate as well) Jesus himself tells us that when we “come to Him” our burden will be lightened and we will find rest for our souls(actually in reference to not having to follow the law and living by grace and can also be applied to salvation, but really not so much in context to frustration….but oh well). (Matthew 11.28)  When we ignore God, we are choosing instead to live on our own.  While that might work for a day or 2, or even longer if you are stubborn (e.g. the author of this post), eventually it will catch up.  Eventually you will realize that life without communication with Peace will lead to massive frustration and exasperation and negativity and general disappointment with life.  It’s just how it is.  It seems to be the “gentle” way of God directing us back to him….getting us to realize how miserable the world is without Him. (I definitely appreciate this gentle reminder and not a more severe disciplinary reminder….grace of God astounds me….I would have sent many lightning bolts by now)

So, the next time someone annoys you, pray and ask how God would respond.  The next time some old person cuts you off in the car, thank God for the many great things their generation has done (or at the very least just take a breath, ignore it, and continue with your day) If your kid annoys you, realize he is a sinner that needs to see Jesus in your life.  If a student annoys you, understand he is just being an evil little kid that tries to see how far to push things.  He isn’t necessarily a bad kid (at least not any worse than the rest of us) he just needs help.  Don’t we all.

If this seems corny to you (as it did to me) then you are as cynical as I am.  My only suggestion to you is try it.  If you find yourself constantly being frustrated with life and annoyed all the time…try praying.  What do you have to lose?  For me, I need help in this area.  My prayer life (if I may quote Kanye) “sounds like Ben Stiller in Meet the Parents”.  I may have a good day, then forget about it for a week.  I just suck like that.  So, to enlist the best person to help that I know of, Beth and I are going to start something that sadly we have never really done on a consistent basis: start doing devotions together.  I truly believe that working together our prayer life will improve, among other things, and with an improved prayer life, the rest of life will follow.  Not that everything will be perfect and life may still suck for us, but at least I will start to see the positive in certain things and hope that God allows me to see how He is working, even in all the terrible, stupid, dumb rejects I have for students.

AMEN!